A Huge Misunderstanding – Part 2


Part 2 of last week’s blog post:

From as early as I can remember I had this painful sense of separation. I felt like an outsider for a long time. So I strove to understand and to be understood. I worked at connecting and empathizing with others. I worked at being more honest. I wanted to break down the barriers that separated myself from others.

What took me a long time to get is that connection, unity, and understanding, these things have to happen within me.

It also didn’t matter how honest I tried to be with people, if I wasn’t being honest with myself.

Although things have shifted quite a bit from that outer focus, my connection to my human family is still important.

I want to lessen the suffering here on our planet. This motivates me and fuels me.

So I’m going to do just that. Lessen the suffering.

Wanna join me?

Yeah, let’s do it!

There’s only one way though.

By unsuffering




This soul-starved world will challenge and confuse us. That’s its job. Let’s accept the challenge and use it to awaken us.

An essential way to do that is to keep discovering more and more of our blind spots.

We all have blind spots.

And right there under each place of weakness is SO much strength and wisdom.

If we avoid seeing our weak places we also avoid uncovering some pretty earth-shakingly amazing things about ourselves.

And really, we are free to get involved in whatever we are drawn to.

Our Souls are here to experience all of it.

Yet there is a HUGE difference in the power and quality of our actions when it is coming from the intention to connect to our Inner Being versus abandoning ourselves.

 The truth is that if I don’t have an intention to be aware of and to continually understand my own fear, my own attachments, and my own darkness then I cannot make a true transformative impact. No matter which way I rationalize it.

Let’s take this deeper.

Here are a few possible and often unconscious reasons behind the need to rescue another, take up a cause, or ‘heal the world’:

  • We are trying to ease our own fear by controlling/fixing something outside of us.
  • We want to feel needed and valued.
  • We are starved for meaning and connection.
  • We are mimicking social conditionings about “love” or “nice”.
  • We get to avoid our own pain by focusing on someone else’s.
  • We get to also push away our own darkness by condemning it when it shows up outside of us.
  • All my friends are doing it (Yeah peer pressure doesn’t always end in our teens does it?)
  • We feel guilty and are trying to make up for something.
  • We are driven by conscious or unconscious religious or spiritual beliefs.
  • And the most important one: Our Soul wants us to learn something important, about ourselves and the human condition.

If you see a hidden agenda in yourself, it doesn’t make you a bad person. I’ve done my share of unconscious stuff, from the above list, and more. Yeah. Ouch. But I learn from it, forgive myself, and move on. Because I’m here to learn, as we all are.

I’ll repeat that: Seeing an unconscious agenda does not make you an awful person. It makes you totally and beautifully imperfectly human. Celebrate any revelation you have about yourself because this is where it gets real!

The yucky feelings will always pass. The huge shift in yourself is deliciously permanent.

To see where and why we sacrifice the infinite for the temporary is challenging, yes, but it’s also an oh so very juicy place to be!!

And yes there are genuine reasons to do good and to offer help. But it won’t be from unspoken expectations and with a lot of strings attached.  It won’t feel like a need or a should. No goal but a longing to explore, to expand, and live our energy.

The point is to check in with ourselves. Invite more awareness of where we are coming from.

Don’t waste any more time waiting on something or someone “out there” to change. That may never happen.

But YOU can happen.

Hint: YOU are the Sun behind all those clouds.

PS: Referring to the list of misunderstandings in part one: Yes we can sometimes use spiritual practice and ideas to avoid something. That’s true but just not what this writing is about. But speaking of excuses, this whole “it’s not my job to save the world” can also be a convenient mask. We may have an agenda to keep ourselves small and hidden. Safe from judgment and criticism. When we are called into service to something bigger than ourselves and as the veils start come down we will find ourselves quite often a direct challenge to the status quo. And that can be pretty uncomfortable.

What!? Did you think aliveness was comfy? {Sneaky grin and a wink}

Lila_24c_lo (One-On-One Image)Lila Haris spent 15 years on psychiatric medications for depression, anxiety, impulsiveness, and inability to concentrate. She spent those years looking for answers hoping there was more to life than being medicated. In 2011 Lila met Zen Master & Medical Intuitive Mada Eliza Dalian. With Mada’s guidance and tools Lila got off medication and began a deep journey into herself and the human condition. She now shares those tools with others. Lila offers healing sessions using the profoundly transformative Dalian Method.

For more information about Lila, please visit her website HERE


  1. Acceptance (Part II) – From here to love - December 27, 2016

    […] (Another important inquiry to do first though, is to look at what within you is motivating you to change the world. An honest look inward will surprise you. You will find that a lot of that is your own unhealed material projected outward. My facebook friend Lila Harris explains this beautifully here). […]

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