A Huge Misunderstanding

Please welcome Lila Haris as our latest guest blogger!

Lila has been process painting with us for over 5 years now and is an inspiring woman.

Not only is she one kick – ass creative self-discoverist, she is also a published writer, a powerful facilitator of healing, part of our One on One offerings…. and a good friend.

Please enjoy her first contribution for Nectar – part one of a 2 part blog. 

With Thanks and Love,

– Steph and Jen



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As I move towards a deeper connection to my Being I’ve come to prioritize self-awareness. Over time I’m slowly getting less entangled with what is fleeting. I know that when there is chaos in the world and in my life the most needed thing is to bring in perspective. A big picture perspective in which to hold personal and world events meaningfully is not only helpful, but absolutely vital.

This spazzy little brain of mine doesn’t know how to do this, but my inner being does.

Being centered in a storm is important for me. And when I am knocked off my center I look for the learning in that. Emotions make us human and they can bring important messages for us. I don’t want to judge or repress my emotional or my mental world. Yet I am watchful to any tendency to fly off with them and forget my essential self.

I don’t want to get sidetracked and jump on the latest bandwagon. I am less likely to join in causes and movements that deny the true source of my power (many do).

I’ve learned about the influence of group mentality. The strong energy of a shared focus within a group can either distract me or support my being. Just because something feels all buzzy doesn’t necessarily mean there is integrity. Energy, just like emotions, can be manipulated.

So i’m more discerning. Growing more individuated. I check in with myself about what is REALLY going on.

Speaking of energy, we only have so much of it. I know that living according to the expectations of others is unfulfilling. Obligation dulls my vitality. I work through the places in me that depends on outside approval.

Yet there is a misunderstanding, from this space myself and others can be perceived as:

Being disconnected

Off in Woo-Woo Fairy Land

Bypassing Reality

Non-Feeling & Non-Caring

Selfish & Self-Centered

What’s interesting is how far off these assumptions can be. I feel deeply, now more than ever. I know the suffering of others because I feel it in my body. And I know I’m not the only one.

I know personal and collective woundedness and trauma. I know rage and grief and darkness.

I also know how it is to take blind action from inside these experiences. It creates more pain. For myself and others.

Of all things though, what I know most intimately, is fear.

My ol’ buddy fear and I. We go way back.

And fear has this amazing capacity, when unchecked, to engulf and spread like a raging wildfire.

I see so many compassionate well-meaning people talk about the importance of love but their actions are not based in genuine love.

They are based on fear.

“The sky is falling and we have to do something!”  ←  That. Is. Fear.

I know because I’ve been there.

Fear is such a powerful way to be manipulate away from our inner knowing. In a state of heightened fear and desperation a tunnel vision can happen to us. We see very limited options in this place. Or maybe even only one option. Creativity and openness flies right out the window. And from this place a tendency may arise to impose that tunnel-visioned view on others. Divisiveness and the spread of false information can result without ever even intending to.

If what is happening in your life or in the world gives you a sense of urgency, let that urgency be to know and live who you truly deeply are.

Because yes, it’s true, anything could happen. There is no guarantee. Allow that insecurity and uncertainty. Let’s see how much we can feel what it is to not know. To let our inner fire engulf all the falseness. All the pretense. Because that is our human vulnerability. That vulnerability has always been there. It’s just so easy to hide from it when life is going smooth and predictable.

True inner knowing comes from dancing with the unknown. It’s a moment to moment energetic experience. Fear is always a partner in this dance. So it’s not about getting rid of fear but seeing where and why we are held hostage by it.

It is arduous to work with fear. But it’s oh so worth it. My experiences of having been hostage to something for so long and then breaking out, it’s almost indescribable. Ecstatic full bodied freedom comes close. And then I wonder, why did I spend all that time controlling or worrying?

The truth is that there has been violence and cruelty on this planet for a very long time. The sky has been falling for a while now.

There is nothing selfish about taking lovingly deep care of the only life we are truly responsible for. It is anything but self-absorbed to honor the deep longing to bring our unique Soul into this world.


Lila_24c_lo (One-On-One Image)Lila Haris spent 15 years on psychiatric medications for depression, anxiety, impulsiveness, and inability to concentrate. She spent those years looking for answers hoping there was more to life than being medicated. In 2011 Lila met Zen Master & Medical Intuitive Mada Eliza Dalian. With Mada’s guidance and tools Lila got off medication and began a deep journey into herself and the human condition. She now shares those tools with others. Lila offers healing sessions using the profoundly transformative Dalian Method.

For more information about Lila, please visit her website HERE

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