It is oh so tempting to gloss over our very UN-loving aspects isn’t it?
To ‘try’ to be more kind.
To ‘try’ not to judge.
We might avoid what’s real inside because of its negativity or rawness.
Or we may instead try to rationalize:
“Hey I have a right to condemn and look down on that person, they deserve it for being so awful!”
“It’s okay to feel resentful towards those that have too much money, success, and happy-go-luckiness. They have so much. Some people have so little.”
I feel the temptation very often. Sometimes it takes me a little while to work up the nerve. It takes courage to let go of my denial strategies. The armor that has seemingly protected me so well. For so long.
But being honest with myself and working directly with my darkest emotions, thoughts, and desires has probably transformed my life more than anything else.
This is only part of what is actually a very long list. It’s so long that it might even be endless.
It’s of the things the ‘world’ taught me was terrible. That if I have these it makes me the opposite of a good and worthy person. That if I experience these things internally then I must be doing life the wrong way.
This is actually not true. In fact, by internalizing this moral judgement of “terribleness” I actually end up creating a wall around me. A superficial facade. I’m either withdrawing from life or projecting my self-righteous negativity on others. Either way it keeps me distant and hidden from other people. But most of all it distances and hides me from myself.
When anything from the endless list of ‘terribles’ shows up in my field of experience it is a catalyst to my transformation. It is there to show me to my heart. By showing me what has been blocking me from it.
It all just needs to be seen. To be felt. So I try to hold these experiences the way a parent holds a child.
Isn’t it true that every child’s existence has value? That every child has a meaningful purpose? If only we welcome them. If only we listen.
Now I wouldn’t want children running my life for me. I don’t want to indulge every whim. But I don’t want to condemn them either. They are just too little to know better.
Over time I’ve grown to realize that I’m not the darkness I see within. But I am the parent. And I become whole…wholier…with every little one invited back home. (and paradoxically less holier-than-thou).
We all do.
Lila Haris spent 15 years on psychiatric medications for depression, anxiety, impulsiveness, and inability to concentrate. She spent those years looking for answers hoping there was more to life than being medicated. In 2011 Lila met Zen Master & Medical Intuitive Mada Eliza Dalian. With Mada’s guidance and tools Lila got off medication and began a deep journey into herself and the human condition. She now shares those tools with others. Lila offers healing sessions using the profoundly transformative Dalian Method.
For more information about Lila, please visit her website HERE