Invisibility is My Super Power

cornmaiden

The upshot for me, about activism, is this. I don’t want to march or go to town halls or make phone calls or campaign for someone.  The activism I’m interested in is how to take the work I do in the studio, out into the world. How to meet each individual I come into contact with …the bank teller, the grocery store guy, the driver in the car ahead of me, etc… with the same awareness I meet myself with in the studio?

Can I attend to the space in between me and the other, with the same presence and awareness I attend to my in -between space in me, when I’m in the studio.  When I’m writing, scribbling, making images and listening, with an open heart, for and to the me-ness of me?

This to me is activism.  The kind that starts at home, where I am, with myself.  Then taken out into my neighborhood and daily life.  It’s invisible.  But it’s felt by me and the others I meet.  Maybe not nameable, ever, but felt.

I must admit this kind of activism scares the shit out of me; makes me Feel.  Way. Too. Vulnerable.  And, as an avoidant, I want to go more underground and away from those strong feelings.  So I do.  I do the internal inside invisible work. What I’m beginning to understand is that I also need to let it shine forth into the world…not just hold it for myself.  The big question is: Can I be okay with and trust what I have to offer…even if it is invisible?

Maybe, just maybe, invisibility is not an obstacle but my super power.  It is an offering to the person I’m engaged with; being real and grounded and present.  Knowing it is not any of my business whether they receive the offering or not.  And knowing that my well-being, my sense of myself, is not dependent on them getting it.

Well, that would be fucking huge, wouldn’t it?

 

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