We believe…

...we are ALL creative beings.

...every person’s truth is unique and valid.

...we are all hungry for a deeper connection.

...the answers we seek are within each of us.

...creativity is a tool for self-discovery and personal transformation.

...there’s an ever-growing group of people on this planet who are ready to dig deeper and find their way home to themselves.

…no one needs to feel alone in the process of awakening to their truth.

Creative Nectar Studio: A safe haven for creative self-discovery

Welcome home. Creative Nectar Studio is a place where you can take off your mask and be exactly who you are. It's a place where color nourishes and community thrives. Is there something stirring in you that is wanting expression? Listen to it. Get curious. We're here to support you on your journey within using painting and other process arts. So get cozy and have a look around. Stay as long as you'd like. Be inspired. Live juicy!

A Taste of The Walkabout – Part I

Hello Beautiful Creatives!

For the next couple of weeks Sarah and I would like to give you a taste of what happens in our collaborative offering, The Walkabout – an online journey of wandering back to yourself – found right HERE

In The Walkabout, Sarah and I write to each other about our lives and our process and include writing prompts and creative nudges for those walking the journey with us. So, for the next two weeks, we’d like to give you a peek into our sacred journey and share with you what we’ve been writing about. (This week is my letter to Sarah and next week we’ll post her response.) 

Love, Steph

 

PART I – Grief, Masterpiece Theatre and Staying The Course

 

Good Morning Sarah,


Well, in keeping with last month’s feelings about the fragility of life and meeting life at my own pace….the Universe seems to be holding my toes to the sacred fire and has sent me a pop quiz.


Thursday I had to say good-bye to one of my furry family members. My boy cat, Tilak was part of the”holy trinity” of animal companions that has helped to keep me sane and grounded for the past 17 years. The hole he has left in my heart is deep and I am grieving.


It is amazing the love I have for animals. They are so full of life and LOVE and present moment awareness……and when they leave me, I truly miss their presence.


Something struck me hard on Thursday at the Vet’s, as I held him for the last time. I realized I had been in similar positions with many other feline companions. But this one was different. THIS time, I was really there. I was there and awake and F**K, it was so freaking painful. I wasn’t checking out and numb to it. I was feeling every beat of his heart and his breath and smelling his fur (he always smelled really good – like graham crackers) and when they injected him with the medicine to end his suffering, I felt all of it stop as he gracefully collapsed in my arms. WOW.


So, it’s been a hard few days. I almost forgot to write you today. I am grieving. And I am okay. 


I am also learning what I need in times like this. What my heart needs and what my body needs (with all of what ails her right now). It would seem I need to greatly calm my brain. I realize when I am fully present to my feelings they will pass through pretty quickly. It’s when my stories and memories kick in that keeps me in pain. 


So, I have been consciously distracting myself. My brain does her brain thing and plays my memories of Tilak like a slide show. Sometimes I give in and start watching (here come the tears). And other times, I feel the pain in my heart, I paint it or scribble it, and I move on to what is next.


ALSO….(you guessed it) Netflix. HA. On Thursday when I literally could not stop crying, I finally had to get some relief and so I consciously numbed out to a long PBS Masterpiece Theater series, set in  1700’s England. Not too emotional. Not too anything except beautiful accents and scenery. AHHHH. Just what I needed. I stopped crying and was able to make myself a protein shake!


I feel like these moments, right here, when the shit hits the fan (and there is always shit and some sort of fan) is why we do this work. 


Not only do I live in a more present and engaged way (which yes is sometimes much more painful) I know myself  SO much better now. What do I NEED to heal? WHAT truly nourishes me? Questions only I can answer and I feel like I am doing a pretty good job of it! (please remind me of this when I am feeling otherwise, as I know I will.


Thank you again Sarah.


I love You


Steph

Falling In Love With My Inner Fat Girl

I’ve had the most incredible painting experience over the last few weeks and I wanted to share it with you, so I am pasting this sweet little post from my own blog page over here. Love, Steph

Almost as long as I can remember I have fought with my body and how she looks. As a child, I was pudgy and had buck teeth. By third grade, I had glasses. OH and let’s not forget the curly red hair.

Even now certain memories still stick out in my mind:

In grade school – at my first concert – the girls I was with all got to take turns riding the shoulders of the mom who chaperoned us. When it got to be my turn, she tried lifting me and couldn’t and then let me know I was too heavy – this was the first time I really felt shame about my body.

Then there was the time in high school, with my first real boyfriend. He broke up with me because “I was too big for him.” He actually told me he wanted someone with a better body (I was a size 7). I have to give him kudos for his honesty.

I can still recall the reactive diet that followed. I remember going to a convenience store for lunch and eating a single sized bag of chips and a diet soda. I can remember how good it felt to deprive my body of things. She was getting me into this trouble….and she would pay. I would show her who was boss…..I WAS IN CONTROL.

This cycle of excessive dieting allowed me relief and was my constant companion for decades. I’d lose some weight, feel in control and then start eating whatever I wanted again – until I was triggered in some way.

Throughout the years, I’ve also had my teeth fixed, started wearing contacts and learned to straighten my hair.- adopting even more ways to fit in, be pretty and keep the possibility of shame and embarrassment to a minimum .

Thankfully, things have slowly been changing. I’ve been on a mission to figure out what foods are best for my body and will help me to manage my arthritis and pain. I’ve started to see food as something with healing properties, not as a vehicle for punishment or reward. I am learning to listen to my body, and ask her what she wants. And I am learning to be okay with my body size. I’ve also realized how much energy I have spent trying to keep an image of myself together that isn’t real.

Right now, I am dealing with chronic pain, a slowing metabolism and the inability to exercise as I would like. ALL I care about it feeling as good as possible and living as much of my life as fully as I can. I know I have gained weight and I know I am doing the best that I can. This is why, when I received an automated email from my last doctor’s visit letting me know that my BMI was now in the overweight status, I didn’t totally freak out.

Don’t get me wrong, I tried…. for a few minutes. I started thinking about drastic diets and how to lose some weight fast. I started to think about what a bad deal this all was…..and then I stopped. I just STOPPED. I had painting class that morning, and I focused on that. I started painting my body, as realistically as I could. I painted my fat folds, my uneven teeth, my thick black glasses and my curly hair up in a bun on top of my head.

As I painted, I fell totally in love and adorned the plump little creature with flowering vines. Her face revealed a relieved and enlightened grin and that widened my heart even more.When I had negative thoughts in my head, I allowed them to show up on the page as well. And when the painting was finished, I felt a little sad. The experience I had with her, was deeply personal and transforming and it was hard to say good-bye.

I knew when I was finished I would have to share this story. She is beautiful. I am beautiful. I see that now. This painting process is a powerful agent of change and is allowing me to become more of myself every day. It feels less scary to get real. I don’t find myself needing quite as many layers of protection around me…and I feel like I am living my truth, from the inside out.