I have been wanting to write for some time now about the painting process and how it continues to deeply impact my life. I have written “blog” on my to-do list for days now and something always comes up stopping me from my blogging mission. Today it was my computer monitor…she died this morning. I had no warning….No “death rattle” from her flat and delicate screen….just gone.
This put me in a surprising position of panic. As the day progressed I realised that without a monitor I was able to do almost nothing! I could not Facebook,Skype or blog. I wasn’t able to listen to music or check the news…I had been stripped down to the bare bones….e-mail….and only from my phone!!
I had to step back for a minute and just observe my craziness around it all. What on earth has happened to me?? There was a time, not so long ago actually, when my only concern was that I was maybe watching too much television. And now I think to myself proudly and often how I’ve kicked that habit square in the butt!! How many times have I casually pointed out to friends…
“Yeah, I don’t know about that…I don’t watch a lot of TV…I don’t have cable.”
What I sometimes fail to mention is that I do have the internet and a Roku player!!
What I am learning from all this is yes, I have become entirely too dependent on technology. When the mere loss of a monitor for a few hours nearly sends me over the edge, it’s time to reevaluate some things. But it is painting that keeps me balanced. The minute I step into the studio and smell the paints I feel like I’m home. It is quiet and that quiet nourishes me. I paint in silence (just as we do in a workshop) I stay present with the brushstrokes and I breathe…deeply. I accept things as they show up on the paper and I try not to judge them. I give myself a break when I do and I keep the brush moving.
I am grateful for this process as I realise that even today, when I was so upset about my forced disconnect from the world of technology, I was able to step back and give myself room to “freak”. Not only that, but I was able to observe how I responded and just sort of laugh about it. I judged…but not for long.
So, I have another monitor….and as a result I am blogging about the huge love of my life…process painting….I guess technology isn’t so bad after all.