“Nothing whatsoever should be grasped at or clung to.” – Buddha
Lately, things at Nectar have been perplexing to me and I feel lost. Last year at this time I felt very on purpose and on fire. I KNEW that opening this workshop space with Jenny was exactly what I was supposed to do with my life. I had been told by movies and magazine articles and Oprah that if I figured out what it was I loved to do the rest would fall into place. Who hasn’t heard the phrase, “Do what you love and the money will follow”? Or how about this one…”If you build it, they will come.”
So that’s what I did.I figured out the one thing I loved most was process painting and realized that I didn’t want to just paint by myself, but to share it with as many people as possible. I truly believed that a year and 8 months into this, the studio would be able to support itself. Instead, we have seen a steady drop in registrations for workshops and painting sessions alike. We have had to cancel several things in the last few months and it doesn’t feel good.
Perhaps, I have been naive. I knew not everyone who walked through Creative Nectar’s door would have the same reaction to the process as I do. But I never once saw it looking like this. And maybe that’s ok. I am suddenly reminded of the painting guidelines at the studio. “There are no mistakes”. What if this is all exactly the way it needs to be? What if I could stand in the very moment of it all and be with what is happening, without judgement? Once again, I am learning from the process. Many times I have been painting something that I really thought needed to look a certain way…or that my mind wanted to take in a certain direction, only to find that when I allowed what wanted to come into the painting, it was far more powerful than I could have ever imagined.
Going with the flow is a lesson the process is continually teaching me. Sometimes it is much easier said than done, especially when the subject in question is something I am so desperately in love with. That’s the key I suppose, learning to hold things with an open palm; no grasping. And learning to love without expectation.