I’m Not Myself

You’ll have to forgive me….lately I’m not myself.

This Covid virus craziness has me unsure of just about everything - except for the deep down me. This time in my life has to be the most surreal and profound chapter I’ve ever experienced. And frankly, over the last couple of years, I didn’t think that was possible.

What seems to be happening (for me) is a great undoing. An unwinding of many things I thought were important and true - schedules, constant happiness, goals, labels and achievements. It’s fascinating what happens when my “normal” gets stripped away.

To be fair, I’ve been in the undoing process for some years now (a chronic illness will do that) but this quarantine has really forced my hand! Will the real me please stand up?

My unwavering need for space and stillness among the chaos has proven to be a valuable friend, empowering me to slow down and connect more with nature and my own body.

The seemingly endless opinions, news articles, blogs and podcasts have forced me to go within to find my truth.

The hoarding of food has me looking at how I hoard and crave things (attention, being liked, appearing okay and playing the deeply ingrained game of “I, Me, Mine”) .

And then there’s the real as F possibility of me losing my own life or that of those I care for most…this has given me a crash course in the nature of reality. There truly is no tomorrow AND it has always been so. All we truly have is now.

So yeah., lately I’m not myself. And maybe that’s okay.

PS - This work in progress shot out of me directly after writing the post above. I am blown away! Trust the Process.