...we are ALL creative beings.
...every person’s truth is unique and valid.
...we are all hungry for a deeper connection.
...the answers we seek are within each of us.
...creativity is a tool for self-discovery and personal transformation.
...there’s an ever-growing group of people on this planet who are ready to dig deeper and find their way home to themselves.
…no one needs to feel alone in the process of awakening to their truth.
Creative Nectar Studio: A safe haven for creative self-discovery
Welcome home. Creative Nectar Studio is a place where you can take off your mask and be exactly who you are. It's a place where color nourishes and community thrives. Is there something stirring in you that is wanting expression? Listen to it. Get curious. We're here to support you on your journey within using painting and other process arts. So get cozy and have a look around. Stay as long as you'd like. Be inspired. Live juicy!
Here’s my response to Steph’s last post – it’s the second email from our taste of The Walkabout correspondence.
The Vastness of Broken-Heartedness
The universe does have a way of holding our toes to the sacred fire by sending us pop quizzes. And it’s hard to prepare for a pop quiz.
I may think I’m prepared for any pop quiz coming my way. But on the day it’s given, all my preparation evaporates. That’s when I find myself left with two choices: Staying connected to myself. Or abandoning myself.
When I can stay with myself, listening deeply and allowing the messiness of what is, I drop down into the vast territory of my broken heart. Where there is room to notice what you noticed at the vet’s.
In that vast space, of broken-heartedness, I find I can hold all that’s there. Holes. Grief. Joy. Gratefulness. Tenderness. The present moment and all of its feelings and sensations.
I bow down to you and how you stayed with yourself. In the hard grief of letting Tilak go. Listening to the beat of his heart. Feeling the in-out movement of his breath. Smelling the graham cracker-ness aroma of his fur. Present for Tilak. All the way through. From the medicine he was given to end his suffering to holding him until he gracefully let go into your arms.
Knowing what is needed in these times is essential. How to soothe ourselves. How to offer ourselves loving-kindness.
Two things I can easily forget when life shit is hitting my fan. Because, like you said, there will always be fans. There will always be shit. And there will be derailment when the brain does it’s brain thing. Telling stories. Digging up memories. Dreaming up scenarios. Asking questions for which there are no answers.
However, remembering, when I can remember, to just feel what I’m feeling, in my body, with my breathing, I’m reminded of my unlimited nature and ability to hold all of my life. Even when it isn’t unfolding the way I had imagined, planned or dreamed. While staying connected to myself. Just as I am. Right here. Right now.
Standing, grounded in my amazing ordinary human being-ness. Living the ups and downs of my ordinary life. Where there is messiness and chaos. Where, at times, everything, including myself, feels foreign and broken and lost. Where I have the opportunity to find, in the midst of what is challenging and hard, a clear alive spacious peaceful here-ness living deep inside of me. That holds all of what ebbs and flows in me.
That’s what’s possible when my – your -our heart breaks open. And happened to you, with Tilak, as you let go of him.
I love you, Steph! For living from the vast territory of your broken-heart. For sharing the challenges and wonders of living that way with me and bringing it to
the work we do together. This quote made me think of you.
“The heart that breaks open can hold the whole universe.
Your heart is that large. Trust it. Keep breathing.”
– Joanna Macy
Hello Beautiful Creatives!
For the next couple of weeks Sarah and I would like to give you a taste of what happens in our collaborative offering, The Walkabout – an online journey of wandering back to yourself – found right HERE.
In The Walkabout, Sarah and I write to each other about our lives and our process and include writing prompts and creative nudges for those walking the journey with us. So, for the next two weeks, we’d like to give you a peek into our sacred journey and share with you what we’ve been writing about. (This week is my letter to Sarah and next week we’ll post her response.)
PART I – Grief, Masterpiece Theatre and Staying The Course
Good Morning Sarah,
Well, in keeping with last month’s feelings about the fragility of life and meeting life at my own pace….the Universe seems to be holding my toes to the sacred fire and has sent me a pop quiz.
Thursday I had to say good-bye to one of my furry family members. My boy cat, Tilak was part of the”holy trinity” of animal companions that has helped to keep me sane and grounded for the past 17 years. The hole he has left in my heart is deep and I am grieving.
It is amazing the love I have for animals. They are so full of life and LOVE and present moment awareness……and when they leave me, I truly miss their presence.
Something struck me hard on Thursday at the Vet’s, as I held him for the last time. I realized I had been in similar positions with many other feline companions. But this one was different. THIS time, I was really there. I was there and awake and F**K, it was so freaking painful. I wasn’t checking out and numb to it. I was feeling every beat of his heart and his breath and smelling his fur (he always smelled really good – like graham crackers) and when they injected him with the medicine to end his suffering, I felt all of it stop as he gracefully collapsed in my arms. WOW.
So, it’s been a hard few days. I almost forgot to write you today. I am grieving. And I am okay.
I am also learning what I need in times like this. What my heart needs and what my body needs (with all of what ails her right now). It would seem I need to greatly calm my brain. I realize when I am fully present to my feelings they will pass through pretty quickly. It’s when my stories and memories kick in that keeps me in pain.
So, I have been consciously distracting myself. My brain does her brain thing and plays my memories of Tilak like a slide show. Sometimes I give in and start watching (here come the tears). And other times, I feel the pain in my heart, I paint it or scribble it, and I move on to what is next.
ALSO….(you guessed it) Netflix. HA. On Thursday when I literally could not stop crying, I finally had to get some relief and so I consciously numbed out to a long PBS Masterpiece Theater series, set in 1700’s England. Not too emotional. Not too anything except beautiful accents and scenery. AHHHH. Just what I needed. I stopped crying and was able to make myself a protein shake!
I feel like these moments, right here, when the shit hits the fan (and there is always shit and some sort of fan) is why we do this work.
Not only do I live in a more present and engaged way (which yes is sometimes much more painful) I know myself SO much better now. What do I NEED to heal? WHAT truly nourishes me? Questions only I can answer and I feel like I am doing a pretty good job of it! (please remind me of this when I am feeling otherwise, as I know I will.
Thank you again Sarah.
I love You