...we are ALL creative beings.
...every person’s truth is unique and valid.
...we are all hungry for a deeper connection.
...the answers we seek are within each of us.
...creativity is a tool for self-discovery and personal transformation.
...there’s an ever-growing group of people on this planet who are ready to dig deeper and find their way home to themselves.
…no one needs to feel alone in the process of awakening to their truth.
Creative Nectar Studio: A safe haven for creative self-discovery
Welcome home. Creative Nectar Studio is a place where you can take off your mask and be exactly who you are. It's a place where color nourishes and community thrives. Is there something stirring in you that is wanting expression? Listen to it. Get curious. We're here to support you on your journey within using painting and other process arts. So get cozy and have a look around. Stay as long as you'd like. Be inspired. Live juicy!
This Spring I decided to take a Summer sabbatical from – writing, over-efforting, convincing, pushing – doing anything that zapped the precious bits of energy I had remaining in my body.
My intuition to shut down a lot of things not working for me and focus on self care was spot on. Just a few weeks later I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia.
For those of you who don’t know or maybe have been misinformed, Fibromyalgia is a complex central nervous system disorder, causing chronic pain and fatigue (among many other things) that affects an estimated 5 million Americans. While it occurs most often in women, it strikes men and children, and all ethnic backgrounds.
It has been a relief to FINALLY know what is going on with my body as I have been struggling with pain and massive fatigue for over 6 years now.
For many of those years, I pushed myself to make things happen. I facilitated workshops, traveled and did what felt like pushing a massive boulder up a hill, trying to maintain my “normal” life as much as possible. Now that I know what’s going on, I see how the pushing – so intricately ingrained in our culture – only made things worse.
I am not writing this for sympathy or attention, only to raise awareness and to share how I am choosing to work with this in the studio and in the unfolding of my own creative self-discovery.
I hope by sharing, others will do the same and by doing so, some of the shame we’ve cultivated as a society, around this and other invisible diseases, will begin to lessen.
My life has changed dramatically… but it doesn’t have to end. I am working on living much differently now, and that includes how I will be facilitating.
I will be letting go of process painting classes indefinitely. However, that doesn’t mean I have stopped creating or facilitating – things are just shifting.
I will be offering HeART Journaling from my home studio on Friday mornings with an option to join online.
I will continue to be part of The Walkabout and Rise and Shine ( online options) as these things are HELPING me to stay grounded and connected to my center as well as giving me a sense of community, even when I can’t leave the house.
I probably won’t be writing as much because it definitely takes its toll on my body, so I may be sharing more images and less words.
I will be cultivating more stillness in my life and look forward to seeing where it takes me. And I welcome the chance to work with others wanting to creatively connect to their own stillness.
Sending Much Love and Endless Gratitude,
Here’s my response to Steph’s last post – it’s the second email from our taste of The Walkabout correspondence.
The Vastness of Broken-Heartedness
The universe does have a way of holding our toes to the sacred fire by sending us pop quizzes. And it’s hard to prepare for a pop quiz.
I may think I’m prepared for any pop quiz coming my way. But on the day it’s given, all my preparation evaporates. That’s when I find myself left with two choices: Staying connected to myself. Or abandoning myself.
When I can stay with myself, listening deeply and allowing the messiness of what is, I drop down into the vast territory of my broken heart. Where there is room to notice what you noticed at the vet’s.
In that vast space, of broken-heartedness, I find I can hold all that’s there. Holes. Grief. Joy. Gratefulness. Tenderness. The present moment and all of its feelings and sensations.
I bow down to you and how you stayed with yourself. In the hard grief of letting Tilak go. Listening to the beat of his heart. Feeling the in-out movement of his breath. Smelling the graham cracker-ness aroma of his fur. Present for Tilak. All the way through. From the medicine he was given to end his suffering to holding him until he gracefully let go into your arms.
Knowing what is needed in these times is essential. How to soothe ourselves. How to offer ourselves loving-kindness.
Two things I can easily forget when life shit is hitting my fan. Because, like you said, there will always be fans. There will always be shit. And there will be derailment when the brain does it’s brain thing. Telling stories. Digging up memories. Dreaming up scenarios. Asking questions for which there are no answers.
However, remembering, when I can remember, to just feel what I’m feeling, in my body, with my breathing, I’m reminded of my unlimited nature and ability to hold all of my life. Even when it isn’t unfolding the way I had imagined, planned or dreamed. While staying connected to myself. Just as I am. Right here. Right now.
Standing, grounded in my amazing ordinary human being-ness. Living the ups and downs of my ordinary life. Where there is messiness and chaos. Where, at times, everything, including myself, feels foreign and broken and lost. Where I have the opportunity to find, in the midst of what is challenging and hard, a clear alive spacious peaceful here-ness living deep inside of me. That holds all of what ebbs and flows in me.
That’s what’s possible when my – your -our heart breaks open. And happened to you, with Tilak, as you let go of him.
I love you, Steph! For living from the vast territory of your broken-heart. For sharing the challenges and wonders of living that way with me and bringing it to
the work we do together. This quote made me think of you.
“The heart that breaks open can hold the whole universe.
Your heart is that large. Trust it. Keep breathing.”
– Joanna Macy